Archive for the 'Poetry and Humor' Category

Milwaukee Area Treadmill Lonely No More

Friday, September 8th, 2006

-Milwaukee Wire 

Late breaking story.  A local treadmill reports that despite months of neglect after its purchase and installation in a Milwaukee basement, it is finally being used regularly by its family.

The treadmill in question, a Lifespan 1000 SL, was purchased from a Brookfield, Wisconsin¬†2ndWind franchise after prolonged and intense compromise sessions by the treadmill’s now owners, Paul and Kelly K.¬† “I had done a lot of research,” said Kelly, who originally felt¬†that the Pace Master Gold was the right fit for the busy parents.¬† “Paul guilted, I mean talked me into the more basic model, however, after pointing out that our previous exercise equipment gathered a lot of dust,” she explained.

In a stroke of¬†good fortune for the small family, a¬†friend made an unexpected offer, several months ago, to purchase said dusty equipment, a NordicTrack Elliptical machine that Kelly bought on credit¬†and impulse during an evening,¬†holiday-season shopping trip at Crystal City Mall in Arlington, Virginia, some nine years prior.¬†¬†”I called it a ‘Christmas present for Paul’ to justify buying it.¬† Isn’t that terrible?¬† And¬†I overpaid for that one, too.¬† There’s no question,” reported Kelly.¬† “We didn’t recoup that expense when Dean kindly bought it and picked it up from us, but his interest cleared up some space in the basement.”¬†

Right around the time of the NordicTrack transaction, “I thought I’d found the motivation to start working on losing some lingering pregnancy pounds, but knew that with a baby at home, there’d be no time for a gym,” shared Ms. K.¬† “That’s when I realized that an in-home treadmill was the perfect answer.”

The new treadmill was purchased and installed in early¬†Spring, but went largely unused for several months.¬† That is, until the couple¬†returned from a late Summer cruise vacation on which Mr. K spent plenty of time in the ship gym while Ms. K indulged in sedentary reading, the buffet line, and several of what she referred to as “Princess Colada” beverages.¬†

Disagreements and discussions shared by the couple over the apparent divergence of priorities finally resulted in an¬†accord to institute a family exercise schedule.¬† “I typed up a one-week family schedule for us.¬† It shows Paul’s classes, our respective daycare drop off and pick-up obligations, and the fact that Paul exercises on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday, while I exercise on Wednesday, Friday, and Sunday, generally in the evenings” said Ms. K.¬† For the working parents of a busy one-year old, the act of actually scheduling the exercise proves to have been the breakthrough that finally permitted the undertaking of a successful workout routine by both Paul and Kelly.¬† “With the schedule, we now know that our daughter¬†will be cared for by one¬†parent while the other one exercises.”¬† The new routine has resulted in increased family harmony and increased feelings of well-being and fitness for both of the K’s.

The treadmill, asked how it feels about finally being used nearly¬†every day of week after months of stillness, replied, “I don’t really think about it.”¬†

Other household residents, through facial expression and body language, seemed to share a disinterest in the exciting development.¬† “Does this mean¬†I get to go outside!?” queried Jim, the frustrated-to-be-an-indoor-cat cat.¬† “Please, oh please, give me some treats now!” entreated Minnie, the snack-addicted feline.¬†

This reporter wondered whether daughter, Emma, holds any thoughts on the matter.¬† “Look at me¬†walk holding onto Daddy’s hand!” she seemed to squeal, apparently not in direct response to the question.¬†

Paul and Kelly are more clearly pleased with the devlopments, however.  Both report optimism that the indifferent treadmill will be spared the disgrace of neglect for the time being and into the future. 

Bad Poem – Nice Weekend

Monday, July 10th, 2006

 I neglected the blog, but my closet looks good.
 I sorted and laundered like I knew that I could.
 I’d ignored closet crowding since Emma’s been here.
 But with renewed strength and vigor, all’s now ordered and clear.
 I also turned my attention to packing.
 Seven cush’ days at sea is a challenge worth tackling.
 For the Yukon and AK we should bring some warm clothes.
 But also some summery garb, ‘cause who knows?  
 We attended the baptism of a friends’ tiny guy,
 Paul and Emma had to leave due to her little cries.
 They sat in the back and missed all the action.
 But cheerios provided her some satisfaction.
 Sunday night was an exciting one on our street.
 There was thunder, and rain, and mixed in with that, sleet.
 Then the rain came down harder.  The street started to flood.
 Then thunder shook the house with a thud.   
 The power went out while the street river raged
 The neighbors all gathered to examine the stage
 that was our strange street; but nature’s sly ploy
 did nothing to dampen the neighbor boy’s joy.  
 He pulled up his shorts and ran through the water,
 and every few seconds, let out a glad holler.
 Emma, for her part, was intrigued by the rain.
 She stood up to bang on the window pane.
 Candles and a flashlight guided the rest of the eve’.
 In the morning we discovered the outage reprieve.
 The lights were back on, but the real light of the day  
 was the pointing and smiling Emma sent just my way.    

A MOTHER Of A Week – A Poem

Friday, March 10th, 2006

A MOTHER of a Week

It started last Friday, when baby stayed away
from her usual daycare; a child was sick there that day.
To protect her from germs, Daddy took her to work
She happily played while Dad’s customers smirked.
Not one to miss out, I asked for a stop-by.
They came to my firm, and I showed off the cute-pie.

Then came Friday night. It was high time for Poker.
Paul asked several rowdy boy-men to come over.
They watched her eat carrots, then headed upstairs
to drink beer and try to become millionaires.
I smelled all the smoke from their stinky cigars;
peeked in once or twice and sent food to the Czars.

I also dined out that night with a woman,
who visited while her hubby kept the beers comin.’
While we ate, Emma banged a big spoon with brio.
Back home we discussed ghosts and Padre Pio.
She’s drawn, like me, to the silly ghost shows’es,
and says she’s seen a real one, and smelled Pio’s roses.

Don’t remember much about weekend last.
It’s amazing how fast the time can fly past.
But when Monday rolled ‘round, Emma went to nurse Grandma’s,
who examined her well and gave an A-plus
on her bill of health. So imagine our surprise,
when on Tuesday, at daycare, there was fever in her eyes.

My mom left her work, and picked up our girl,
who felt worse and worse as the day unfurled.
‘Oh no, sick again!’ I thought with dismay,
until Paul discovered a tooth on its way.
She’s teething, you see, and our sweet little tot
has a tooth now where formerly there was but naught.

Still feverish on Wednesday, Daddy took her to work,
While he worked on school stuff and acted the clerk.
We made plans for Emma to visit Grandma on Thursday,
just to make sure she was healthy and okay.
But wouldn’t you know, when Emma arrived,
it was Grandma who was all sick and blearly-eyed.

So Grandpa took care of our wandering miss,
while, Daddy, meanwhile, developed a case
of a fever and other bad symptoms true.
So it figured that Friday, the daycare closed, too.
Now the daycare lady’s sick, so Daddy stayed home,
to get some sleep and watch Emma roam.

She’s not crawling yet, but it won’t be long.
She rolls over both ways now, and her legs are getting strong.
In the meantime, Mommy’s talk on health law was cancelled,
so there was no need to stand up in front and get hassled.
I won’t have that fun again until May, and June, but that’s fine,
my outline and jokes improve every time.

Our girl’s been out of day care for over a week,
and must miss her friends, who treat her so sweet’.
There are three little kids there who love “baby Emma.”
And replace her pacifier if it falls out – a dilemma.
They kiss her and sing to her and put on a cowboy hat.
We’re lucky that she has pseudo siblings to do that.

Lucky, because Mom and Dad are so busy –
with school, work, and meetings, I often feel dizzy.
The teething has altered our sleep schedule, too.
This little girl cries and wants a bottle all night through.
With Paul sick, as well, I slept on Emma’s floor.
The cats cuddled up there, and kept me awake some more.
We five Milwaukee mammals boast interspecies rapport.
But poor Mom isn’t getting much sleep at this score.